Sharne (Part one)

Sharne was a young guy in my youth group for several years, he never made a commitment to follow Christ.

I ran a group where young people came along and we played basketball and had a meal and surfed and hung out and read the bible together. Sharne and his friends were largely marginalised by society and didn't really have too many clues about social interaction. As an example, after an evening where we talked about the concept of love and Christ one of Sharne's friends asked me "Do you really expect me to believe that someone loves me when every person in my family, and in most of my life (except here), is either a drug addict or alcoholic and is either an abuser or is being abused... and by the way I had sex for the first time when I was ten after finding my Dad's porno and deciding to try it with a girl who was there". The life experience of these guys is clearly both lacking and simultaneously excelled far beyond what is normal for a teenager.

Sharne was about 13 when he began to come along. I would pick him up each week, hang out with him and do all the things we are supposed to do as youth workers. We actually became good friends, I remember asking Sharne what he thinks about God and his reply was that he likes God but he likes his own life better.

When Sharne hit 16 he stopped coming along because he had, yet another, door to door sales job. He had been through a few of these. He had to work instead of being with us but I didn't think the job would last long so each week I would call in to see if Sharne was there... for a couple of months he wasn't.

Finally one Thursday evening I caled in and the door was open but no-one was around. I walked into the kitchen and called his name "Sharne, Sharne, you in here?"

Sharne calls back from the bedroom and comes running out into the kitchen pulling his pants on backwards! (So when I say he was running it was more of that hobbling hop that you do when you are trying to put on pants and move fast at the same time). He had no other clothes on and he stank of alcohol. His eyes clearly told me he was stoned and he was covered in persperation. As I take all this in I hear a female voice call from the bedroom "Sharne, who is it?"

It dawnes on me that Sharne has been having a 'party for two' in his bedroom and that sweat on his body is the persperation of intercourse. Now I refocus on Sharne, who has struggled to zip his fly behind himself and is standing, smiling (he has a massive grin kinda smile), with his arms wide open and he's saying "Dave man, it is so good to see you, I haven't seen you in ages, give me a hug!" His enthusiasim was obvious and he really wanted a hug.

I was faced with a choice... I was, to say the least... tense, I mean, to give a hug to a half naked 16 year old who is drunk, stoned and sweaty from sex and wearing his pants backward is not the kind of thing you do every day.

But what was my other option? To say no, hurt his feelings and potentially our relationship, and then have to justify myself and in the meantime probably condemn him and his behavior.

I didn't like either option!

Hug, or not to hug, that is the question.

His arms are open...

The next post will tell you what I did do and the surprising thing that hapened later that evening because of my response. In the meantime, ponder what you would have done.